June is Pride month! 

Pride, as you may know, started not as the celebration it is today, but as a fight for survival, a riot against police violence, and a rallying cry to queer folks around the country to come together, and stand up for their right to community and basic human rights. Since then it has evolved as our public attitudes toward queer communities have started to evolve as well. 

There are as many wonderful things about being queer as there are queer people in the world. It would be impossible to cover all the ways queerness can be an enriching, life saving experience in a single blog post. So today, we’re just going to focus on four big ones: 

  • Writing our own relationship scripts
  • The inherent self exploration 
  • Building chosen family
  • Being part of a richly diverse community 
Two Black queer women sitting together in Pride shirts; one holding the other's face in joy.

These things aren’t necessarily exclusive to queer people, of course. But due to common experiences many queer people go through, these are things that queer communities often reflect!

With that in mind, here are four things we love about being queer this month: 

We get to write our own scripts 

The scripts we learn for dating, relationships, friendships, commitment, and building community usually stem from some sort of hetero-patriarchical tradition. That can be intimidating to realize! Often just logistically, if not ideologically, they can’t be applied to queer people. 

The plus side, however, is most of these scripts weren’t taught to us with intention anyway. We absorbed information about gender roles in relationships and how dating should work from the people and relationships around us. 

When we get to investigate those scripts, we get to figure out what works for us and what doesn’t. Then, we get to show up in connection with others with clarity of mind. We’re not following a script because we feel like we have to. We’re writing a script of our own, negotiating with ourselves and our partners as we go along to make sure it’s the one we really want. 

It’s both a deep responsibility and a liberatory practice to free yourself from prewritten scripts and decide what supports and fulfills you for yourself.

Queer women's arms next to one another, both painted with rainbow flags or rainbows; the white women's hand is holding the Black woman's arm in affection.

The inherent practice of self exploration: 

“Find out who you are, and do it on purpose.” -Dolly Parton

Isn’t that just what being queer is all about? While we may have to navigate more complicated questions when it comes to relationships, attraction, and take longer to find home in ourselves, we also reap the rewards of such rich curiosity. 

Instead of being stuck in an idea of who we are that doesn’t work, we get to take time to think about why it doesn’t work, and find things that work better. Sure, there’s a risk of being misunderstood by those who thought the default role you were given was the true you. But there are also the rewards of connecting with those who truly see us—and perhaps even help us see ourselves. 

That kind of love and support can be relied upon and felt deeply because it’s based on really seeing and loving one another for who you are, not who it would be beneficial for you to be. 

Building a chosen family

Queer people are incredibly talented at finding and supporting one another. Community building has historically been necessary for the survival of queer people, as open acceptance of queer folks is a relatively modern thing. This means that queer people have had to rely on deeper, more intimate support from their friendships. We take those chosen communities as our families. This is something queer people to this day are good at, whether it be organizing mutual aid funds, taking part in community organizing, or just showing up for their friends to help them build out their support systems. 

Rather than showing up for one another out of obligation or fear of disappointing others (or even facing retribution or punishment), chosen families show up for one another out of deep love and care–they’re choosing to do the labor of love because it is a fulfilling and worthwhile connection in their lives. 

The strength of a chosen family comes from everyone showing up exactly as they are and receiving love for it.

Being part of a thriving & diverse community with a rich history

Queer communities are not a monolith. Even if you share an identity or label with someone else in your community, it’s likely your lived experiences differ significantly. This is a strength of queer communities–embracing the richness that these differences bring, and allowing those differences to be celebrated and treasured.

A queer woman of color and a white queer woman laughing and walking together with a Pride flag draped over their shoulders.

As we mentioned at the start, Pride wasn’t always a festival or celebration. It was an uprising, led by queer and trans women of color. And this is just one of many instances in social justice and community building history where queer and trans women of color were leading the charge. The more connected you get to your queer community, the more you’ll be exposed to stories and histories of your own queer ancestors. 

We hope June has been gentle to our queer readers, and that you’ve found ways to show up for yourself and celebrate if you’re able to! We hope you find shared joy and pride in your community this June and all year.

About Stella Nova

Stella Nova is a California-based mental health clinic offering online therapy for women and members of the LGBTQIA+ community. We are an affirming practice supporting the mental health needs of both individuals and couples of all genders, and our team is made up members of the queer and trans community, as well as active allies. 

Photo of the Stella Nova team outdoors in Golden Gate Park, San Francisco.

Find a LGBTQIA+ Therapist in California

Looking for an LGBTQIA+ affirming space to focus on your mental health? Stella Nova therapists can help you with a range of concerns, from anxiety and depression, to eating disorders and chronic pain, to navigating the relationship stress.

We specialize in working with women and nonbinary professionals, and folks of all genders seeking a feminist, intersectional healing space. Our diverse team of therapists are members of the LGBTQ+ community and/or active allies to queer and trans folks.

To get started, schedule your free, 20-minute phone consultation with our Intake Coordinator today. We’ll chat about what you’re looking for, and match you with the best therapist for your needs and preferences.