Perfectionism | Mental Health Tips

Having high standards and an unrelenting work ethic can help us achieve challenging goals. But when does this mindset start working against us? 

As I contemplated this question and prepared to write a blog post on perfectionism, I noticed myself slipping down a sudden spiral: I began to feel anxious, even paralyzed, while self-critical thoughts raced through my mind. “What if I can’t write anything worthwhile? What if my boss hates it? No one’s going to read this anyway.” 

These rapid-fire thoughts were followed by physical discomfort in my chest and stomach, and my temperature rose. All of this happened in a split-second and, before I knew it, I was leaning back on my chair and scrolling through Instagram instead. I may have felt temporary relief, but the irony is that I pushed off writing altogether. All because I was afraid it wouldn’t be “perfect.” I had become paralyzed by my own perfectionism. 

Perfectionism is a pattern in which we set extremely high standards for ourselves, and strive for flawlessness. Often, it comes along with harsh self-criticism about our performance. And it was definitely working against me.

Low Self-Esteem And Negative Impact On Mood: Low self-worth can stem from feelings of inadequacy from not being “perfect” enough. An increased risk of depression and anxiety are also linked to this low self-esteem.

Burnout: Feeling compelled to put in a copious amount of extra time and effort to achieve flawless results may lead to neglected health, relationships, and personal time. This imbalance can lead to burnout. 

But isn’t perfectionism helpful when we want to achieve something we care about?

We often hear from our clients that, at some point in their lives, perfectionism was helpful for them. They may view it as a trait that propelled their achievements in academics or creative pursuits, climbing the ladder of their profession, or mastering a sport. 

The issue with perfectionism is that it can do more harm than good due to its reliance on self-criticism, rigidity, and unrealistic expectations as motivators. It works up to a point, before its negative side effects, like poor self-esteem and procrastination, catch up with us. In the long run, perfectionism can become self-defeating.

If you feel like your own perfectionistic standards have been working against you, it may be time to embrace the concept of “Good Enough.”

Being “good enough” means we recognize that perfection is not a realistic, or even ideal, goal. It involves understanding that we all have our own abilities and limitations, which vary from day to day. These abilities and limitations depend on factors such as energy or stress levels, access to resources and tools, environmental factors, and physical and mental health. 

“Good enough” means that we do our best within the context of these varying circumstances. And your best effort today may look different from your best effort tomorrow. 

It certainly doesn’t mean settling for mediocrity or low standards. Rather, we understand that the path to our goal is not linear. We are clear about the goal we want to achieve, and we allow room for learning, mistakes, growth, and taking chances along the way. 

Here are some ways to start embracing “good enough” and loosen the grip that perfectionism has on us:

Practice Self-Compassion

Embracing “good enough” entails compassionate self-talk. If you’re struggling with negative self-talk, try treating yourself with the same kindness you would extend to a friend or loved one. Hopefully, rather than berating them or holding a mistake over their head, you would treat them with understanding and compassion. You would probably encourage them to keep trying after learning from their mistakes. You may even commend your friend for being brave enough to take a baby step towards their goal. 

If you’re capable of offering this kind of support to someone you care about, you are capable of offering it to yourself. For example, you might be berating yourself from not meeting your own expectations. A “good enough” approach would be saying to yourself, “I’m proud of the effort I put in, regardless of the outcome,” or “I don’t have to be perfect to try new things. It’s okay to explore and experiment.”

It may take some practice, but speaking to yourself with self-compassion is a great way to acknowledge your best efforts and keep improving as you pick yourself up and move forward. 

Seek Support When Feeling Bogged Down

As we get stuck in the throes of perfectionism, we may shut down and isolate ourselves. When we do so, we are more likely to engage in negative self-talk. We can get stuck in a narrative that breaks down our self-worth and confidence. We may even feel like giving up on our goal altogether.

Instead of staying in our heads, being “good enough” entails being proactive in gaining perspective and confidence to keep progressing in our efforts. By sharing our struggles with friends, family, or a therapist, we can air out our worries and fears by talking through them. Once we do this, we have the ability to look at our situation from a different and more helpful vantage point. With this expanded perspective, we can let go of unrealistic expectations we’ve set for ourselves and plan a more flexible and achievable step forward. 

We get to show up today, exactly as we are. We can do our best in achieving the things that are important to us without the fear of being punished for our mistakes. The beauty of being “good enough” is that we are able to view our journey from a larger vantage point and with a ton of self-compassion and forgiveness along the way. 

Related Blog: Self-Care Isn’t Solo Care

Struggling to overcome Perfectionism? A therapist can help you begin embracing the concept of “good enough” by helping you identify and overcome unhelpful beliefs while setting realistic goals and expectations for yourself. Get in touch for a free consultation today.