You Don’t Have To Be Fearless | Mental Health Tips From A Therapist
By now, many of you have watched the clip of Bishop Mariann Budde’s sermon at the inaugural prayer service on Tuesday morning.
It’s a powerful speech, in which the bishop uses her platform to directly address the president. She implores him to have mercy on communities who are scared right now: queer and transgender people, working class immigrants who are afraid of being torn from their families, asylum seekers suffering persecution.
If you haven’t watched it yet, please, watch now.
I first saw the clip posted on social media, where people were hailing her as ‘fearless.’ It was indeed a tremendous act of courage, there’s no disputing that. But I — and several others in the comments — didn’t see a fearless woman. As one other person noted, if you listen carefully, you can hear her voice shake as she begins to address the president. She’s scared.
She’s scared, and she’s there doing this anyway. Beautifully, gracefully, eloquently. It’s my favorite thing about the video, the thing that inspires me most.
Obviously, no one but Bishop Budde knows exactly how she was feeling as she spoke, but that’s what I took away from my watch. Moreover, fear makes sense. She’s critiquing arguably the most powerful man in the world in an extremely public forum. A man who is known to hold a grudge and use his power to make the lives of people who disagree with him miserable. Predictably, he’s already publicly called her “nasty, “boring,” and “not compelling or smart,” while at least one GOP congressman has called for her deportation. Because the internet is what it is, I’m sure she’s receiving floods of hate messages, many of them laced with misogyny and threats of violence.
The people she’s speaking out on behalf of have good reason to be afraid too. They are facing very real threats to their lives, livelihoods, families, bodily autonomy, and dignity.
The idea that we need to be fearless in facing a threat belies a misunderstanding of the emotion, and a deep discomfort with it. Our culture sees fear itself — a natural manifestation of our survival instincts — as weak and shameful.
So when commenters observed Bishop Budde’s tremble and interpreted it as fear, many others jumped in to defend her. “She’s not afraid, she’s amazing,” one said.
“If she was scared, she wouldn’t be doing this,” another commenter posted.
And that’s exactly the problem I have with the narrative of the fearless hero.
Because when we believe we need to be fearless to act courageously, we focus on controlling an automatic emotional response. It’s usually a losing battle (our survival instincts are very strong!), and it’s a waste of our energy. Worse, we simply conclude that heroic actions are for other, fearless people, not for us.
The truth is that doing things in spite of fear is the heart of bravery. It doesn’t cheapen the moment, or make Bishop Budde any less amazing to acknowledge her fear. It emphasizes her strength in acting despite it.
Do It Scared
I encourage us to accept our fear. It’s built into our DNA to help us survive and protect the things that matter to us. Fear helps us understand when a threat needs to be taken seriously.
We should all be afraid of the damage that attacks on our communities and our planet can cause. We should all be afraid of what rising fascism will bring in the US and abroad.
Fear can cause us to freeze, sure, but it can also prepare us to fight like our lives depend on it.
Instead of eliminating fear, let’s focus on cultivating bravery — acting based on our hopes and our values, even in the face of great danger.
Let’s focus on cultivating communities that protect each other.
We’re going to need lots of it in the years to come.
About The Author
Maya Borgueta, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist and the founder of Stella Nova Psychology, an online therapy practice focused on empowering women and nonbinary professionals. Maya is passionate about supporting women of color, LGBTQ+ individuals, and adult children of immigrants as they work through challenges like trauma, anxiety, self-doubt, and fostering self-compassion.
Are you interested in working with Maya to support your mental health? Schedule a free, 20-minute phone consultation to get started today.
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